What exactly is creativity? What does it mean specifically for me?

Sometimes it seems to me that some people carry their creativity in front of them like a flag to show how great, how admirable they are. Often in these moments, a strange, pulling feeling arose inside me, a feeling of insecurity and incompleteness.
This made me think about where I myself actually stand on this subject. Are the things I sew, make and cook enough for this world that is increasingly about being prettier, richer and cooler?
Since I was a child, I have made everything I could get my hands on. Later, I took creative courses, especially in the arts. At the beginning of a new subject there was always the fascination of the new and the new design possibilities that came with it. As my technical skills grew, new applications and combinations opened up to me and I was simply happy with my mostly colorful work.
At some point, oriental and fire games were added and the stage came into my life. A place where I could show my art, even celebrate it. A milestone, yes, perhaps the fulfillment of my dreams? A milestone for sure, but dream fulfillment was one of those things. I was suddenly so exposed on stage, at the mercy of criticism from other people, the audience. I often asked myself whether I was good enough, whether others would like what I was doing, whether I could keep up with my "fellow artists".
It was an ambivalent feeling, as I had always enjoyed my creative activities. I enjoyed my ever-growing skills, gave the finished workpieces an appropriate place and collected the beautiful performance pictures in albums. Looking back, I realize that the discomfort that crept in with the exposed performances was my personal stumbling block. Doubts and uncertainty as to whether everything was as true as I had made it out to be. Feelings that I hadn't really experienced before.
Sure, it was fun learning choreographies and later putting them together myself, designing and sewing elaborate costumes especially for me and later planning and performing complete shows together with my group. To be booked and paid for it. It was a great, creative time in its own way.
But it always felt a bit like work. Work that had to be done and that was judged. But I didn't think about quitting, because my heart was in dancing and playing with fire and so I carried on in search of that very special something, my own creative feeling.

Some time ago, no, it's actually been more than 8 years, I met my husband. He introduced me to photography with "real" digital cameras. Not just taking pictures with a cell phone, even if the little things can now achieve brilliant results. This change of direction with regard to the camera was a very positive and incisive experience for me.
Conquering the world with a camera in my hand, digitizing and editing the images was, on the one hand, a completely new, incredibly versatile medium for me. There was a lot to discover, learn and create. On the other hand, moving behind the merciless eye of a camera removed the feeling of value control and competition from outside. I was and am finally at home here. Seeing the world through the lens of a camera and then being able to develop the image the way I feel at that moment was something of an enlightenment for me.
A good 2 years ago, the 3D program DAZ Studio was added as another extremely creative medium. For me, it was a completely new kind of creativity that I first had to conquer, especially on the technical side. With increasing skills in the use of DAZ Studio, the associated posting of the results on social media and a broader view beyond "my" personal horizon, I have currently been dealing with the above-mentioned question of what creativity (for me) is all about.

​

*Creativity itself seems to be a very special little plant. It needs freedom and does not like to be locked up. It needs light, air and a clear view of all things and areas of life. Sometimes it wants to rest, hide away in warm mounds of leaves at the edge of the forest, then fly through the air with the wind and settle down in a completely different arrangement in a green meadow to form a completely new pattern.

*Creativity cannot be learned according to a syllabus, cannot be copied and cannot be broken over my knee. She has a highly allergic reaction to the sometimes popular "sledgehammer method" and likes to deny her full attention to those who are so vehemently searching, in this case me. Sentences like: "If I want something, then that's what I want!" are not conducive to (my) creativity. I then have the feeling that she's sticking her tongue out at me, or even giving me the middle finger, to let me know that I've been too overbearing or perhaps too arrogant.

*(My) Creativity loves the spontaneous, the unbound and unplanned. She loves to mix up the things I have seen, felt or heard like a kaleidoscope. Looking at them in ever new constellations and ultimately deciding on a particular pattern. It used to happen that a walk in the woods spontaneously inspired me to choose a particular color combination for an oriental costume. Today, a carelessly thrown silk scarf that lands over a softly glowing bedside lamp can prompt me to recreate a similar lighting situation in the DAZ Studio.

*Creativity is for me an indispensable interplay of mind, spirit and soul. When I give all the "parts/areas" in me the opportunity to deal with a theme, an image, then a homogeneous whole emerges for me. This image is often accompanied or supplemented by words that are important and appropriate for me at that moment for this work. Every completed development like this makes me happy, grounds me and confirms me in what I am doing. I then feel complete, able to perceive and accept myself. I am one with myself and "my" universe.
In a way, this process of coming together is also a sensitive process for me. If I were to focus my attention too much on what other artists are showing in various social networks, at exhibitions etc., or if I were to try to find out what is promising, (my) painting would not be able to develop freely. It always comes up against unnecessary limits that I set myself and part of its story, its value for myself, fizzles out. I certainly find inspiration in other artists. I am happy to pass this on to the artist, provided I still know what I saw and where. However, as it is just an idea, an inspiration, it will never be a copy of something else, because then it would have lost its value for me.

*Creativity doesn't obey any of my schedules. Just because I have the desire to portray a certain theme or create a certain character doesn't mean it will work. Sometimes I sneak around a feeling or intention like a cat around a pot of milk, writing down my ideas, rearranging them, looking for a beginning even though the end is already clear in my mind. Then patience is required. Patience, that so important and yet often so fleeting virtue that allows me and my ideas and visions to stay in the flow. Allowing the process of creation, even if it takes longer than desired, the time it needs to find itself and form a perfect whole for me, becomes part of my joy and satisfaction.

*Creativity is not really measurable for me. I'm not able to count, measure or weigh it, like an inventory. Basically, that's not important to me either. I'm happy when my pictures are noticed and liked. But that is not my creative driving force. I am also well aware that not everyone looks at and interprets a picture or a work of art with the same intention. Everyone has their own perception, their own feelings and values and encounters art in their own way. But sometimes when a message that I want to pass on with my works is perceived as exactly that, then I am very happy and I feel that for that moment a (creative) circle is closed and a picture is complete for me.
Writing comments on other artists' pictures, if you don't want them to sound too flat, also requires some creativity as well as time. I have to get involved with the picture, let it have an effect on me so that I can then say something constructive about it. Because a thoughtful comment is also a kind of recognition. Sometimes I succeed, but not always ;-), because it takes time. Time that often seems far too short for us humans. When I read almost identical comments under pictures that I didn't write, I have to smile.

*Creativity for me is not a process to be completed, for me it is a path. The path! The path that I feel is right for me, that suits me.
It can see things that are not yet visible. For me, it ultimately means the ability not to lose sight of the colorful, the life, the opportunities that present themselves to me, even in the daily grey routine. It makes my life easier, brings joy, is a gift and an enrichment. It gives me such a strong power that I don't want to keep it to myself, it has to be shared.

*Creativity is something that runs through all areas of my life. It enables me to think outside the box again and again, to act beyond traditional, rigid rules and to break out of the usual procedures from time to time. It gives me the imagination to explore unknown paths in order to visualize the things that are close to my heart. It opens up new techniques and ways of looking at things without forcing me to use them immediately.
I believe that creativity is a universal language that all of humanity could use to communicate if it felt compelled to listen to it and engage with it in an open-minded way.
Ultimately, my art is my hobby and not my livelihood. I can enjoy it, experience it and take pleasure in it without having to compete and/or assert myself. Just as these lines are my very own thoughts on this subject and everyone here deals with the subject of creativity differently.

Krefeld im Februar 2024